Attaining self-care as a Mother


Having just dropped Mylah off to her Nans, I began to make my way home. Feeling as gloomy as the clouds and my phone on 1%. I braced myself for the twenty minute wait I had until my train arrived.

With nothing to distract me from myself, I was stuck with how I’ve been really feeling.

Like utter shit.

Yes I have had good days, that I have felt self-cared for but since becoming a mother, self-care and self-effort has been a struggle for me.

I had this expectation that motherhood would bring out a new look, a new style and a want to self-care even more than I did before becoming a Mother.

Although my reality so far hasn’t gone the way I expected and it was days like this standing at the train station that remided me of my desperate need for a reality check (and then a huge hug).

Its not often that I get to go out with my girlfriends. I had been longing for this day to come. I onced loved wearing makeup but now was cringing at how terrible it would look on my irritable skin. I used to love dressing up and making an effort even on a random tuesday, but that old excitement now felt like a chore.

Once I had got home, I felt even more stuck in my rut but after being bonbarded with persuation from my friends, I decided to gather the energy to get ready.

It wasnt until I had got ready that I realised that I’d been missing this part of me. I felt beautiful, I felt confident and rejuvenated. Thats when I realised where I’d been going wrong.

Exposing and letting go of the expectations

Self-care before having a baby was something I would indulge in, take my time to complete and thoroughly enjoy. I valued the importance of self-care that it became part of me and was never something I had to force to attain.

I realised that I still relyed on that expectation to be the same with being a mother and becuase what I had expected did not instantly become my reality, subconsciously I was slowly letting that part of me wither away.

Accepting the hard truth for attaining self care as a Mother

1.The want to self-care WILL NOT come as a natural need everyday

Sometimes I miss washing my face at night because I am completely shattered. Sometimes I cant be asked to shave my arm pits because Mylah is too silent (which means shes probably doing something she shouldn’t) and opt for a long sleeve top.

Self-care will slip your mind as quick as your reflexes when your child puts something they shouldn’t in their mouth.

Even when I am aware that I need to make the time for self-care,does not mean I want to do it in that moment ( yes you are not alone).

These feelings are normal so become more aware of them, accept them, understand them and most importantly be kind yourself.

Its ok if you miss a day or few. As long as you get back up, your still in control.

2. It can take a little to ALOT of force

The truth is simple, you have you force yourself, especially on thoes days ( like my day at the train station) where you just cant be asked!

That day took ALOT of force but now I am soo thankful because it reminded me how important self care is.

To relax doesnt come as easy when your a parent. Sometimes you have to force yourself to get up and make the bottle, you have to force yourself to change your baby’s nappy, you have to force yourself to wipe thoes tears and keep going.

You force yourself because you care. So be sure to care for you, force yourself to take a step in the self-care you deserve.

Sending you positive vibes, always.

Rens x

Cons of being a Young Parent

friendship, growth, housing, mental health, motherhood, Uncategorized, youngmum
Me and My Mylah

Having a baby is far from your childhood memories of when you used to play mums and dads. Its takes understanding, growth, patience, responsibility and the list can go on and on. No matter how old you are the principles are still the same, that there is no rule book to parenthood.

Although being a young Mum we tend to have a slight different experience to the average mother ( whatever that means). So below are some cons I’ve discovered since becoming a young parent.

1. You WILL miss out

Being a Young mum your more than likely to still have that buzz to want to go out with your friends and attend social events however that’s not a reality you’ll be living until your child is at least 18. Harsh to hear but it’s the truth. Not every time you’ll have a baby sitter available so expect it, don’t get upset about it as there will be many more events in the future that you will be able to attend.

2. Your independence is replaced with responsibility

Last year I could just get up and go. Fast forward to today, I now have a checklist of everything I need to pack before I step out the door. I am now more mindful of every choice and decision I make as every consequence that affects me will affect my daughter also.

Being young, you already haven’t had independence for as long as you initially thought (speaking in terms of an unplanned pregnancy), and now with a baby, the consequence can be overwhelming and hard to balance for some. Especially if you’re not mentally prepared, this can be a challenge at first.

3. It can get lonely

You may be the only one out of all your friends who has a child. With that, finding people who can relate to your situation can be a difficult task and in the meantime can get very lonely.

We all get lonely and it’s important for us to try to stay connected and find ways that will help and conquer our feelings of loneliness at times. For example, writing this blog helps me get out of my head when I sometimes feel lonely.

4. You may feel isolated from Motherhood

Again relating to loneliness, when I take my daughter to her baby groups I am always the youngest one there. I feel this stands out amongst the other Mothers. They may smile and a few may have a brief conversation with me but for the most part and In my head, I always felt like they are just trying to figure out exactly how old I am.

When I first started going I used to feel isolated because of this. It wasn’t somewhere I felt welcomed and took time for me to feel comfortable and gain confidence again.

5. The physical changes

Loving my body has been a rollercoaster. I thought I would snap back to normal like some of my other friends who have had children, although God had other plans.

My tummy, covered in stretch Mark and loose skin is my new reality. Surprisingly it hasn’t affected me as bad as I thought it would. Although now I’m a lot more conscious of what I wear whereas before I could wear anything.

6. Emotional changes

Young parents are more likely to experience postpartum depression which is a lot to handle whilst taking care of a baby, as it is easy to ignore the signs. Common symptoms can be feeling in a constant state of sadness, loss of appetite, feeling hopeless and less interested in the world around you, having trouble concentrating/making decisions and difficulty bonding with your baby.

As I am no expert I’d advise you to go on the NHS website for more information and to contact a professional if you feel you can relate to the symptoms above.

7. Education career and sacrifice

It’s hard. Especially if you don’t have the support from family regarding childcare. This can easily make you feel stuck as you want to do more to be able to provide yourself and child but get restricted by high childcare cost, housing situation and any other factors that goes against you making progress. You may have to drop out of work or education and return when your child is older in age. As young parents making those sacrifices are tough.

You are strong as no matter what goes against you as young mum, you continue to rise above. I would like to end this blog on that note as being reminded of the cons can be a bit self-sabotaging. This may not be your reality but if it is just know that you are not alone and that everything will fall into place in due time.

Send you positive vibes always.

Rens x