Cons of being a Young Parent

friendship, housing, mental health, motherhood, youngmum
Me and My Mylah

Having a baby is far from your childhood memories of when you used to play mums and dads. Its takes understanding, growth, patience, responsibility and the list can go on and on. No matter how old you are the principles are still the same, that there is no rule book to parenthood.

Although being a young Mum we tend to have a slight different experience to the average mother ( whatever that means). So below are some cons I’ve discovered since becoming a young parent.

1. You WILL miss out

Being a Young mum your more than likely to still have that buzz to want to go out with your friends and attend social events however that’s not a reality you’ll be living until your child is at least 18. Harsh to hear but it’s the truth. Not every time you’ll have a baby sitter available so expect it, don’t get upset about it as there will be many more events in the future that you will be able to attend.

2. Your independence is replaced with responsibility

Last year I could just get up and go. Fast forward to today, I now have a checklist of everything I need to pack before I step out the door. I am now more mindful of every choice and decision I make as every consequence that affects me will affect my daughter also.

Being young, you already haven’t had independence for as long as you initially thought (speaking in terms of an unplanned pregnancy), and now with a baby, the consequence can be overwhelming and hard to balance for some. Especially if you’re not mentally prepared, this can be a challenge at first.

3. It can get lonely

You may be the only one out of all your friends who has a child. With that, finding people who can relate to your situation can be a difficult task and in the meantime can get very lonely.

We all get lonely and it’s important for us to try to stay connected and find ways that will help and conquer our feelings of loneliness at times. For example, writing this blog helps me get out of my head when I sometimes feel lonely.

4. You may feel isolated from Motherhood

Again relating to loneliness, when I take my daughter to her baby groups I am always the youngest one there. I feel this stands out amongst the other Mothers. They may smile and a few may have a brief conversation with me but for the most part and In my head, I always felt like they are just trying to figure out exactly how old I am.

When I first started going I used to feel isolated because of this. It wasn’t somewhere I felt welcomed and took time for me to feel comfortable and gain confidence again.

5. The physical changes

Loving my body has been a rollercoaster. I thought I would snap back to normal like some of my other friends who have had children, although God had other plans.

My tummy, covered in stretch Mark and loose skin is my new reality. Surprisingly it hasn’t affected me as bad as I thought it would. Although now I’m a lot more conscious of what I wear whereas before I could wear anything.

6. Emotional changes

Young parents are more likely to experience postpartum depression which is a lot to handle whilst taking care of a baby, as it is easy to ignore the signs. Common symptoms can be feeling in a constant state of sadness, loss of appetite, feeling hopeless and less interested in the world around you, having trouble concentrating/making decisions and difficulty bonding with your baby.

As I am no expert I’d advise you to go on the NHS website for more information and to contact a professional if you feel you can relate to the symptoms above.

7. Education career and sacrifice

It’s hard. Especially if you don’t have the support from family regarding childcare. This can easily make you feel stuck as you want to do more to be able to provide yourself and child but get restricted by high childcare cost, housing situation and any other factors that goes against you making progress. You may have to drop out of work or education and return when your child is older in age. As young parents making those sacrifices are tough.

You are strong as no matter what goes against you as young mum, you continue to rise above. I would like to end this blog on that note as being reminded of the cons can be a bit self-sabotaging. This may not be your reality but if it is just know that you are not alone and that everything will fall into place in due time.

Send you positive vibes always.

Rens x

Reasons why I love breastfeeding!

breastfeeding, mindfulness, motherhood, Pregnancy, youngmum
Photo: pinterest

From once being adamant that I wasn’t going to breastfeed, to now still breastfeeding at 16 months and not knowing when to stop. For me, breastfeeding has been a vital part of surviving motherhood so far. Its times like this now Mylah has chicken poxs, I thank the Lord for my struggling boob (I only breast feed on one side) for some how still producing milk. It is remarkable how our bodies work and so I wanted to share with you why I personally love breastfeeding.

1. The convenience


Surely, I can’t be the only parent, after checking numerous times that you’ve packed everything in your babies bag, and later realise that you have forgotten to pack the formula when your baby Is demanding food. This is when the milk lady (what I like to refer myself as) is here to save the day, to quickly whip out the boobie and feed my baby, whenever and wherever she needs.

2.The best way to build babys immune system


It’s a hard truth but companies can try to make as many formula concoctions but can never be as equivalent to the power your breastmilk holds. You really are a woman of powers. For the first 6 months of your child’s life, YOU are all you need to provide your little one with all the nutrients to build their immune system, containing the right number of hormones, probiotics, healthy sugars and fats. You even shield your baby from infections by creating antibodies, which fight against germs, protecting your baby.

3. No more zombie night feeds

Making bottles during the night is NOT fun. I thought that pumping would save me from the trouble night feeds and lack of sleep but I was wrong.

If you want quick, hassle free night feeds then breastfeeding is your answer.

4. Helps snatch post-baby tummy

After giving birth, my belly still looked like I was 5 months pregnant. Everyone had told me that breastfeeding helped to lose the baby weight, to which I can agree.

At first, it felt so uncomfortable. Imagine feeling your organs and uterus cramping itself back to its original place in your body. As gruesome as it sounds that’s your body adjusting to its new familiar home. Breastfeeding speeds up that process as it burns calories from the body, helping to loose that baby weight and snatch the tummy.

5. She knows I’m the milk lady and you can’t get better bond than that!

There’s something special that happens when your little one snuggles themselves on you during a feed. It reminds me that she is literally apart of me. I feel so proud, responsible and sometimes even tearful knowing that as I’m still considered a home for my daughter internally when was growing and externally as she grows.

Breastfeeding is a journey within itself that involves a lot of sore trials and errors, although once mastered is a journey of growth, connection and convenience, lol. I hope this post helps you to stick with or consider trying breastfeeding.

Sending you positive vibes always.

Ren x

The problem living in temporary accommodation

adulting, housing, youngmum

During mid pregnancy, I moved into the housing system. Since then I have moved three times, living in three different types of temporary accommodations. On a journey that can feel lonely I have met people from all walks of life, in the same situation.

I am most definitely grateful that I have a roof over my head although want to share with you some of the issues and feelings that has impacted me and many others since living in temporary accommodation.

You are constantly feeling uncertain

The biggest problem with the housing system is how uncertain the whole thing is.

There are areas that make us feel safer than others, areas were would like to raise our kids. Some of us would rather live on the ground flood and others, like me fear lifts. The point I am trying to make is that we all have different preferences.

The world is our oyster and although we do have the option to live anywhere in the world, it often feels like that is stripped away from our right as human beings within the housing system.

Just because we don’t have the money for a house deposit right now doesn’t mean we should be excluded from having a say of preference when finding a home for our family.

It is nearly impossible for you to move to a different borough out of preference, yet families are being moved across and out of London. The government takes advantage at the fact that people have nowhere else to go, therefore compelling families to forcefully start anew.

You feel restricted

Living in temporary accommodation can also have you stuck in a rut of restriction. Feeling hopeless to better your current situation. Depending on where your housing has placed you.

A lot of people who work, feel obliged to leave their jobs as a way of bettering their housing situation. This is because families are being moved to live in private rented properties, with ridiculously high rent. Not to mention council tax, other bills and never forgetting food.

I know you may be thinking this contradicts the purpose of working to maintain an income and take responsibility, which the government claims to promote.

Although individuals are deliberately placed in vulnerable positions, as if they work over a certain number of hours (usually 16), they are responsible to pay the extremely high charging rent of their private accommodation and receive minimum help from the government.

This then becomes a vicious cycle trying to keep up with payments, unable to maintain savings and making it impossible to clear any previous debts. If anything, this causes more debt to accumulate.

Which leads me onto my next point.

Mental health

With options at a minimum and years of bidding and waiting, id be surprised if someone told me they hadn’t been through a time of mental drainage. It’s a damaging cycle as people with mental health before living in temporary accommodation can find it harder to cope, making your mental health worse and also causing mental health.

‘If wherever you’re living feels unsafe, uncomfortable or insecure, you might constantly feel stressed, anxious, panicked or depressed.’ (mind.org)

For me the journey hasn’t been easy especially moving during pregnancy and dealing with mental health previously, there are many other factors like money problems, low self esteem and problems working or studying that you may not have known your living situation can affect. The mental health charity, Mind explains this in more detail.

Its important that if your going through a time of mental strain to find ways that allows you release mental pressure.

My intention for this post as sceptical as I was to share, is to bring awareness of some of the feelings over 84,704 others are facing. If you are in this situation I hope this post gives you comfort to remind you that you are not alone.

Sending you positive vibes always.

Rens x

Building New Friendships with a Baby!

friendship, motherhood, social media, youngmum

I never had many friends and since having Mylah that amount has depreciated even more. I’m so busy being a Mother that I hardly ever notice. I am lucky to have friends who I see enough not to feel isolated from the social world and do go out occasionally although want to build new friendships and connect with more people because…well,why not?

Below are a few suggestions on the things I am currently doing and may try out to build new friendships, who knows they might help you also.

Recognising the company, you DO have!

A quick life lesson story. My final year in secondary school felt extremely awkward and boring. I was desperate for a change and was tired of seeing the same people. It was weird because I remember having conversation with friends that we wanted to make new friends and couldn’t wait to start college. Obviously not leaving our friendships behind but building new.

Looking back, I realised that what really made that year so boring was the fact that I didn’t truly appreciate the friends I had right in front of me. We get so caught up in what we want that we forget to realise what we have.

What’s your reason for wanting to build new friendships?

When I was younger my reason was to overcome loneliness. At the time I thought building new friendship was the cure and so set myself up for failure at achieving to make new friends because it was all for the wrong reasons. When your unhappy with yourself internally the external can only bring you so much joy. Even your favourite artist feels lonely at times, its normal.

Since then I’ve Learned to enjoy my own company and show gratitude for the friends I do have. How can you possibly maintain friendships if you can’t even entertain yourself? Figure out what makes you happy, for me its music and dancing around the house with Mylah. Sounds small but it’s one way I express self-love.

Now let’s get into some practical tips that may not lead to friendships but does give the exposure to network with others.

Utilising social media

Everyone and their grandma uses social media nowadays. I have a love/ hate relationship with social media however it does open many doors to connect with people all over the world.

For example, if you’re an Instagram user. You can use hashtags where you’ll probably find hundreds if not thousands of other people who enjoy the same things as you. From there you can follow and comment on that person’s post which can easily be a way to start conversation based on a topic you already have in common.

Joining Groups on Facebook

Another similar way to Instagram although a lot more specific and intimate is to join a Facebook group. You can make your own group or join a group which allows to share your story and connect with others on the things you all have in common.

Friendship Apps

Just being honest. When I first saw that there were App’s for making friends, I cringed. My first thought was, “Is this what world has really come to?”. I feel like technology has brainwashed and separated us to be so involved with ourselves, that we can’t even make friends without it! But who knows that may just be the conspiracy in me.

When out in public I am more likely to be starred at, then conversated with so I guess we now reply on Apps?

So I can feel better about myself and also assure you that we are FAR from alone. The App Bubble has over 10m users, Yubo has over 5m users and friends talk has over 1milion users.

I made a Bubble account just to overcome my curiosity. It gave me Tinder (not like I’ve ever been on there) but for friendships kind of vibe. I didn’t have any conversations with anyone and quickly deleted the App when I saw an ex’s side chick as a suggestion, LOL. Who knows, I might download the App again and use it next time.

I hope this post has given you a starter point of a way to connect with others. Please share below your experience if you have ever tried to use an App for building friendship, it will be very much appreciated. Sending you positive vibes always. Rens x

Sending you positive vibes always