Friendships that won’t serve your 2020 vision

growth

We are finally in the new year.

New you, new boo, new career but still screaming, No new friends?

Sis.

I’m about to give you a reality check of some of behaviours your friends may be showing that don’t serve you being your best, feeling your best and living your best.

THE COMPETITOR

Do you have a friend that feels like they are always trying to compete with you? This friend seems to never be satisfied with anything because they aren’t satisfied with themselves. They will make you feel like you’re not good enough and will always act like they are one step ahead of everything you do, like and enjoy. 

You are in no competition, you may feel at times that the friendship is one sided. You are the first one to congratulate and celebrate their achievements but when it’s your turn they will briefly congratulate you, followed by advice of what they did and what you should have done or what they could have done for you that would have made it even better.

This type of friend will continue to show you that they are ONLY out for themselves. Keep this friend around you long enough, and their insecurities may rub off on you.

THE ATTENTION SEEKER

  Similar to the competitor, an attention seeker will always ‘secretly’ want everything to be about them. When both of you are together everything will be normal until company is compromised with another person or even worse, a group of people. This is when a true attention seekers colours will show.

With no Alcohol needed this person will do anything to keep the attention on them for as long as possible. They may speak extremely loudly and enjoy making a scene by crying or starting drama with another person. They will act like a victim, for the outcome to attract attention and have the limelight shine on them, always.

A attention seeker will know how to make you feel guilty for not giving them the attention they believe they deserve. Although you won’t admit it to others you know deep down which friend of yours is an attention seeker. Be aware of this friend form now because if not you are not you’ll be under their attention spell always wondering what is wrong and finding ways to constantly please them.

THE PITTY FRIEND

This type of friend loves a good pity party. They will use every opportunity to complain and whinge about how bad their life is and why everything always goes wrong for them. When you try and sway the conversation to something positive they will always revert to pity by responding negatively.

We all have moments in life (I certainly do) that have us feeling overwhelmed, over drained and over everything. It’s good to speak to someone who understands you as it allows you to release some of the pressures, overflowing in your mind. The difference with a ‘pity friend ‘is that they secretly enjoy having negative conversations. It’s their comfort zone to be negative and although you may want to help your friend, no one can be helped in this world unless they really want it.

This energy is infectious if you invest yourself in it for too long. Conversations with this person will always have you feeling negative and doubtful about your life, completely forgetting how happy you were before speaking to them.

THE COMFORTABLE FRIEND

This type of friend doesn’t have any intention to grow and develop as a person. Same old attitude and same old mindset but wonder why they are in the same old situation (Read this one again, I certainly did).

This friend can’t see beyond their own current situation and therefore may not understand how to support your vision for more. You may find yourself being the motivator, always trying to help yourself and friend by suggesting business ideas or just trying something new and spontaneous for a change. This friend may agree with you in the moment but has no intentions to act upon anything.

Becoming aware of this kind of friend will allow you to be in control of how much of your time you should give to this friendship. Especially when coming out of your comfort zone it’s important that your time Is spent more with the people who support the person you are becoming, then the current version that everyone is familiar with.

Don’t wait on another person to allow yourself to grow. We all do thing at different times.

I hope this post helps you to stay woke on some of the behaviours that don’t serve your vision and allows you attract new friendships that will support your goals this new year.

Sending you positive vibes always.

  Rens x

Building New Friendships with a Baby!

friendship, motherhood, social media, youngmum

I never had many friends and since having Mylah that amount has depreciated even more. I’m so busy being a Mother that I hardly ever notice. I am lucky to have friends who I see enough not to feel isolated from the social world and do go out occasionally although want to build new friendships and connect with more people because…well,why not?

Below are a few suggestions on the things I am currently doing and may try out to build new friendships, who knows they might help you also.

Recognising the company, you DO have!

A quick life lesson story. My final year in secondary school felt extremely awkward and boring. I was desperate for a change and was tired of seeing the same people. It was weird because I remember having conversation with friends that we wanted to make new friends and couldn’t wait to start college. Obviously not leaving our friendships behind but building new.

Looking back, I realised that what really made that year so boring was the fact that I didn’t truly appreciate the friends I had right in front of me. We get so caught up in what we want that we forget to realise what we have.

What’s your reason for wanting to build new friendships?

When I was younger my reason was to overcome loneliness. At the time I thought building new friendship was the cure and so set myself up for failure at achieving to make new friends because it was all for the wrong reasons. When your unhappy with yourself internally the external can only bring you so much joy. Even your favourite artist feels lonely at times, its normal.

Since then I’ve Learned to enjoy my own company and show gratitude for the friends I do have. How can you possibly maintain friendships if you can’t even entertain yourself? Figure out what makes you happy, for me its music and dancing around the house with Mylah. Sounds small but it’s one way I express self-love.

Now let’s get into some practical tips that may not lead to friendships but does give the exposure to network with others.

Utilising social media

Everyone and their grandma uses social media nowadays. I have a love/ hate relationship with social media however it does open many doors to connect with people all over the world.

For example, if you’re an Instagram user. You can use hashtags where you’ll probably find hundreds if not thousands of other people who enjoy the same things as you. From there you can follow and comment on that person’s post which can easily be a way to start conversation based on a topic you already have in common.

Joining Groups on Facebook

Another similar way to Instagram although a lot more specific and intimate is to join a Facebook group. You can make your own group or join a group which allows to share your story and connect with others on the things you all have in common.

Friendship Apps

Just being honest. When I first saw that there were App’s for making friends, I cringed. My first thought was, “Is this what world has really come to?”. I feel like technology has brainwashed and separated us to be so involved with ourselves, that we can’t even make friends without it! But who knows that may just be the conspiracy in me.

When out in public I am more likely to be starred at, then conversated with so I guess we now reply on Apps?

So I can feel better about myself and also assure you that we are FAR from alone. The App Bubble has over 10m users, Yubo has over 5m users and friends talk has over 1milion users.

I made a Bubble account just to overcome my curiosity. It gave me Tinder (not like I’ve ever been on there) but for friendships kind of vibe. I didn’t have any conversations with anyone and quickly deleted the App when I saw an ex’s side chick as a suggestion, LOL. Who knows, I might download the App again and use it next time.

I hope this post has given you a starter point of a way to connect with others. Please share below your experience if you have ever tried to use an App for building friendship, it will be very much appreciated. Sending you positive vibes always. Rens x

Sending you positive vibes always