Cons of being a Young Parent

friendship, housing, mental health, motherhood, youngmum
Me and My Mylah

Having a baby is far from your childhood memories of when you used to play mums and dads. Its takes understanding, growth, patience, responsibility and the list can go on and on. No matter how old you are the principles are still the same, that there is no rule book to parenthood.

Although being a young Mum we tend to have a slight different experience to the average mother ( whatever that means). So below are some cons I’ve discovered since becoming a young parent.

1. You WILL miss out

Being a Young mum your more than likely to still have that buzz to want to go out with your friends and attend social events however that’s not a reality you’ll be living until your child is at least 18. Harsh to hear but it’s the truth. Not every time you’ll have a baby sitter available so expect it, don’t get upset about it as there will be many more events in the future that you will be able to attend.

2. Your independence is replaced with responsibility

Last year I could just get up and go. Fast forward to today, I now have a checklist of everything I need to pack before I step out the door. I am now more mindful of every choice and decision I make as every consequence that affects me will affect my daughter also.

Being young, you already haven’t had independence for as long as you initially thought (speaking in terms of an unplanned pregnancy), and now with a baby, the consequence can be overwhelming and hard to balance for some. Especially if you’re not mentally prepared, this can be a challenge at first.

3. It can get lonely

You may be the only one out of all your friends who has a child. With that, finding people who can relate to your situation can be a difficult task and in the meantime can get very lonely.

We all get lonely and it’s important for us to try to stay connected and find ways that will help and conquer our feelings of loneliness at times. For example, writing this blog helps me get out of my head when I sometimes feel lonely.

4. You may feel isolated from Motherhood

Again relating to loneliness, when I take my daughter to her baby groups I am always the youngest one there. I feel this stands out amongst the other Mothers. They may smile and a few may have a brief conversation with me but for the most part and In my head, I always felt like they are just trying to figure out exactly how old I am.

When I first started going I used to feel isolated because of this. It wasn’t somewhere I felt welcomed and took time for me to feel comfortable and gain confidence again.

5. The physical changes

Loving my body has been a rollercoaster. I thought I would snap back to normal like some of my other friends who have had children, although God had other plans.

My tummy, covered in stretch Mark and loose skin is my new reality. Surprisingly it hasn’t affected me as bad as I thought it would. Although now I’m a lot more conscious of what I wear whereas before I could wear anything.

6. Emotional changes

Young parents are more likely to experience postpartum depression which is a lot to handle whilst taking care of a baby, as it is easy to ignore the signs. Common symptoms can be feeling in a constant state of sadness, loss of appetite, feeling hopeless and less interested in the world around you, having trouble concentrating/making decisions and difficulty bonding with your baby.

As I am no expert I’d advise you to go on the NHS website for more information and to contact a professional if you feel you can relate to the symptoms above.

7. Education career and sacrifice

It’s hard. Especially if you don’t have the support from family regarding childcare. This can easily make you feel stuck as you want to do more to be able to provide yourself and child but get restricted by high childcare cost, housing situation and any other factors that goes against you making progress. You may have to drop out of work or education and return when your child is older in age. As young parents making those sacrifices are tough.

You are strong as no matter what goes against you as young mum, you continue to rise above. I would like to end this blog on that note as being reminded of the cons can be a bit self-sabotaging. This may not be your reality but if it is just know that you are not alone and that everything will fall into place in due time.

Send you positive vibes always.

Rens x

Building New Friendships with a Baby!

friendship, motherhood, social media, youngmum

I never had many friends and since having Mylah that amount has depreciated even more. I’m so busy being a Mother that I hardly ever notice. I am lucky to have friends who I see enough not to feel isolated from the social world and do go out occasionally although want to build new friendships and connect with more people because…well,why not?

Below are a few suggestions on the things I am currently doing and may try out to build new friendships, who knows they might help you also.

Recognising the company, you DO have!

A quick life lesson story. My final year in secondary school felt extremely awkward and boring. I was desperate for a change and was tired of seeing the same people. It was weird because I remember having conversation with friends that we wanted to make new friends and couldn’t wait to start college. Obviously not leaving our friendships behind but building new.

Looking back, I realised that what really made that year so boring was the fact that I didn’t truly appreciate the friends I had right in front of me. We get so caught up in what we want that we forget to realise what we have.

What’s your reason for wanting to build new friendships?

When I was younger my reason was to overcome loneliness. At the time I thought building new friendship was the cure and so set myself up for failure at achieving to make new friends because it was all for the wrong reasons. When your unhappy with yourself internally the external can only bring you so much joy. Even your favourite artist feels lonely at times, its normal.

Since then I’ve Learned to enjoy my own company and show gratitude for the friends I do have. How can you possibly maintain friendships if you can’t even entertain yourself? Figure out what makes you happy, for me its music and dancing around the house with Mylah. Sounds small but it’s one way I express self-love.

Now let’s get into some practical tips that may not lead to friendships but does give the exposure to network with others.

Utilising social media

Everyone and their grandma uses social media nowadays. I have a love/ hate relationship with social media however it does open many doors to connect with people all over the world.

For example, if you’re an Instagram user. You can use hashtags where you’ll probably find hundreds if not thousands of other people who enjoy the same things as you. From there you can follow and comment on that person’s post which can easily be a way to start conversation based on a topic you already have in common.

Joining Groups on Facebook

Another similar way to Instagram although a lot more specific and intimate is to join a Facebook group. You can make your own group or join a group which allows to share your story and connect with others on the things you all have in common.

Friendship Apps

Just being honest. When I first saw that there were App’s for making friends, I cringed. My first thought was, “Is this what world has really come to?”. I feel like technology has brainwashed and separated us to be so involved with ourselves, that we can’t even make friends without it! But who knows that may just be the conspiracy in me.

When out in public I am more likely to be starred at, then conversated with so I guess we now reply on Apps?

So I can feel better about myself and also assure you that we are FAR from alone. The App Bubble has over 10m users, Yubo has over 5m users and friends talk has over 1milion users.

I made a Bubble account just to overcome my curiosity. It gave me Tinder (not like I’ve ever been on there) but for friendships kind of vibe. I didn’t have any conversations with anyone and quickly deleted the App when I saw an ex’s side chick as a suggestion, LOL. Who knows, I might download the App again and use it next time.

I hope this post has given you a starter point of a way to connect with others. Please share below your experience if you have ever tried to use an App for building friendship, it will be very much appreciated. Sending you positive vibes always. Rens x

Sending you positive vibes always