Pros of being a Young Mum

I gave birth at 20, so I’m on the young spectrum of parenthood. Becoming a parent and being considered a good parent isn’t defined but your age. We all have our individual definitions.

Every journey has a story and I choose to share mine with you so here are some pros on my journey being a young Mum.

1. You have more energy and time

Being young you naturally have more energy whizzing around in your body, although at times you may not feel it.

Having energy allows me to stay proactive with Mylah whilst making time for other priorities.

I can get involved with all the other kids climbing through the frames, gliding down the slides and diving into the ball pit.

I feel freer to explore my inner child as I find genuine enjoyment in participating and planning activities for Mylah.

2. You get to grow with your child

This is the best thing about being a young parent. You still have TIME! You don’t need to restrict yourself and question yourself on life’s coulda, woulda, shoulda’s. It’s not the end of your world even though at times you may think it is.

Some people have their careers first, some are in the process, others find their passion after having a child and some later in life.

Whatever your circumstance, you have the opportunity to have a longer ( and sometimes closer) relationship with your child, you have more time to figure out exactly what being a Mother means to you.

As you grow, learn and try new things your little one will also learn, grow and try new things. You’ll learn so much from each other and may even leap into new ventures you never thought was possible but now Know it is as you’ll always have your little one right by your side.

3. You learn the importance of responsibility

Every action you take has a consequence.

If having a baby hasn’t made you realise this yet then other situations in life will.

We are responsible for everything that happens to us In life ( I’m still digesting this one and learning to take my own advice) and also your little one who is dependent on you taking responsibility.

Let’s both learn to own our responsibilities by becoming more mindful of the consequence before diving into action. Remember I didn’t say don’t take Risks but to Respond to life’s situations with a growth mindset by making choices with your child’s best interest at heart.

4. You have the advantage of know how life really works

Being young you have the opportunity to learn how life really works. Especially if you live or are deciding to move out. It’s a lot and can be very daunting at times.

Use this time to do research and understand adulting, after all becoming a parent is considered a huge part of adulting. So do yourself the favour to try to learn the boring things life expects you to know, that you may not fully understand. Learn how money works, learn what is and the importance of life insurance, learn what council tax is and the list can go on and on.

Having basic knowledge of these things will help build your confidence when making adult decisions, that you may thank yourself for in the future.

5. Appreciate the importance of family

Spending time with my family was my last priority. Although, once I had Mylah everything changed.

I need my family as they are my biggest support system. They never fail to see how I’m doing and ask to see Mylah. Mylah will grow up with her other little cousins who are also her age which I love as I know she will never be alone.

Family are the people who are by your side no matter what. That doesn’t mean you have to be related so if that a friend keep them close.

6. Your child will have a close relationship with their grandparents ( and sometimes even great or great-great Grandparents)

Mylah has a close relationship with her grandparents on both sides of the family. Especially with my Mum, it’s great because my Mum’s of an age where she is able to take Mylah places and have her overnight.

Mylah also sees her great grandparents often and has two great-great grandparents who are still alive. This is a blessing as not many people have the chance to see generations in their family.

I hope these pros of being a young parent helped you to realise that there is always a positive in every situation. This is my journey and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Feel free to share any other pros that you’ve experienced being a young parent.

Sending you positive vibes.

Ren x

10 things my Unexpected pregnancy taught me

My pregnancy was far from planned. I always knew I wanted to have kids sometime in the future although had no clue God assigned it to be sooner. Going through the motions with no expectations here are a few things my unexpected pregnancy taught me.

1. The blessing of Gratitude

Giving thanks every day has become automatic since i found out I was pregnant. Pregnancy taught me the importance of radiating gratitude. It gave me the ability to see the things I once took for granted as a precious gift not everyone gets to experience.

Practising gratitude during pregnancy will help uplift you on the days you feel you don’t have the strength by moving you to a space of appreciation and gratefulness.

2. To be confident

People may pass judgement and look at you in the street with confusion but that was a minority compared to the people who smiled and gave me compliments on my style during my pregnancy.

Love it or hate it your belly will still continue to grow. It’s not a sign of insecurity but a statement of strength. If your currently pregnant move forward in confidence, embrace a change of style with your bump and be proud!

3. Self-love from within

Pregnancy allowed me to see the bigger picture. A picture that you can seek only from within that our bodies is perfectly designed to become a habitat for our unborn child.

Learning this I no longer seek the external validation from others of what is expected for my body to look like. Sure I have my off days but I continue to remind myself of the greatest gift life could ever give and it that was birthed through my body.

4. The importance of a healthy diet

I was that paranoid Mum ( probably the only Mum) who would ensure my pee was clear as that was my crazy way of reassuring myself that baby Mylah was healthy.

Eating the right foods is always better and will nourish your body with energy and help boost your mood.

Don’t be that person that uses pregnancy to pig out on takeaways and unhealthy snacks( once in a while is fine and i completely understand cravings) but try to swap a snack with something healthy. Give it some time and see how you feel. (That’s if baby allows you!)

5. To trust my body

I remember counting the days until I was able to feel the flutter in my tummy.

“I think I just felt something”.

Being pregnant allowed me to become so in tune with my body. During my third trimester, Mylah’s usual kicking routine had stopped. I was aware of this as soon as I woke up and she didn’t kick until 12 midday.

Thankfully it wasn’t anything serious but a change in routine according to the Midwife at the hospital. The reality is that anything can happen. So allow yourself to connect you with your body during pregnancy. Don’t ignore any signs of concerns you may have. Always consult with your midwife or go to the hospital.

7. Our paths are different, there weren’t EVER meant to be the same!

I’ll let this one speak for itself.

8. There’s no such thing as a mistake only lessons

There’s something special about seeing your life experiences as lessons.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. My pregnancy was unexpected but far from a mistake. Yes, I would have liked to be in a better position to have a child, that’s most women’s reasons to why they don’t.

Reality check!

We still get pregnant anyway. So rather than beating yourself up for the things You don’t have. Try focusing on the qualities you do have to become the best Mother You can possibly be.

Own your life by taking responsibility. Change the things you can change rather than beating yourself up for the things that have already happened.

9. Not everyone will have the same experience as you

My Mum with me and my brother had horrible pregnancies. I was traumatised seeing my Mum so weak, constantly vomiting and bed bound most of the days. I was age 9 and gave my Mum a hard time. If only I knew then what I knew now I might have been more sympathetic.

My pregnancy was a breeze I don’t mean to brag but honestly, it was. I craved grapefruit and oranges, besides that, I didn’t have any symptoms but the bump itself.

I would notice other pregnant women looking at me as I breezed past them with ease whilst they waddled looking confused.

Never dim your light just because someone else’s experience is different from yours.

Every pregnancy is different. Comparing yourself to others will quickly steal the little joy you had left within yourself to keep going. Don’t be that person.

10. Some People will be as unexpected as you were.

Not everyone’s initial reaction will start with ”congratulations”. Instead, it may start with an “Ohh wow so when did this happen” or “I can’t believe your pregnant” and I would reply with something like “well start believing because it’s happening”.

Some people’s reactions are simply out of curiosity and confusion which is understandable. Although being a young mum I found that reactions can also come from judgement. Don’t shy away or feel intimidated from the people who feel entitled to share their opinion.

Surround yourself with people who uplift you and still be kind to the people who act like they don’t know how babies are made.

Sometimes it’s the things that are unplanned that bring the most joy and growth in life. Allow that to happen for you by seeing the positive of what you can gain and learn rather than being negative about how things should have been.

Sending you positive vibes always.

Ren x

Taking a step back from Social Media

Social media fortunately and unfortunately has been a part of my whole life. I remember being around 10 years old lying my age for a Facebook account. I remember using MSN, Bebo, Habbo, myspace you name it I had it all.

We all like to keep up with the latest trends, hot topics and gossip. Within my circle, it’s celebrities, influencers and the people you may refer to as Insta famous.

At the age of 15, I was diagnosed with body Dysmorphic disorder. Being diagnosed triggered me to look into the reasons why I felt the way I did. With Attending counselling for a few months I was able to realise that my extreme insecurity was a blend of my conditioning growing up and the extended hours spent browsing social media sites.

I was brainwashed by the images, believing everyone else’s lives were better than mine and spent hours on a comparing spree.

Now, I’m not here to bash social media. It’s really been a game changer in the new millennial era. Social Media has allowed us to directly target the right audiences attention, to network around the globe, use it as a tool for generating income and God knows all the other cool benefits of social media.

However, If most your day is spent browsing your social media sites please know that you are more vulnerable and under the influence of subconsciously comparing your life to someones else’s.

I don’t see Kim Kardashian keeping up with my life because she’s too busy living hers. So let’s start being present in our own lives and create memories to remember.

Below are the benefits I was able to realise and gain when taking a break from social media.

1. I became more mindful

The saying You really don’t know what you’ve got till its gone is so true. It wasn’t until I deleted my social media App’s that I realised I had an addiction that needed to be controlled. The automatic withdrawals going on my phone to click on an App that wasn’t there made feel like a bit of an idiot. If I was a second bored I would go on my phone, if I was on the train I would go on my phone even if I was busy I would still find a time to go on my phone and I was only able to realise this by deleting the Apps that kept me constantly on my phone.

Moving forward I’m now more mindful of how much time I spend using my phone. Although, recently I made a new Instagram.

Maintaining discipline to not spend hours browsing on Instagram, I already know will be a difficult task at times. With a weak mind being mindful is helpful but can only take you so far. So I downloaded an App called Moment which allows me to set goals, track the amount of screen time spent and notifies when the time to take a break.

2. I was more present

I recently went to Drakes concert (was amazing btw) and was seated on the lower tier so I had a great view of what was installed. The lights dim, everyone standing rushes forward pushing their way to the front, everyone quickly gets their Snapchat ready, start screaming hysterically and watches Drake appear on stage through their mobile phone.

It contradicts the whole point of seeing the artist face to face because you’re still watching them through a screen. I used to be that person who would record the majority of the concerts I went to then go through the 101 videos that have filled up my Icloud, to only hear myself scream.

That’s just one example of how normal distracting ourselves from the present moment has become. My advice would be to give yourself the opportunity to experience things in the present moment because it’s in those moments we can’t get back.

3. I Get things done

Coming off social media has made me more productivee. How? Because of the time I thought I didn’t have was wasted on social media. Now I have more time to focus on the things that are really important like this post for instance.

4. No more self-sabotage

Constantly being bombarded with images of everything I ‘don’t’ have put me in a place of insecurity. A break from social media helped me to have more compassion for myself and appreciate my body that little more.

Become more aware of your self sabotaging behaviours NOW so that moving forward you know when its time to say I’ve had enough and begin doing something that makes you feel good. Know your limits and give yourself a break from social media once in a while.

Sending you positive vibes and peace of mind.

Ren x

Ignoring the signs within

Health, Wealth, Love, happiness, success we want it all, well I at least know I do.

I wake up with gratitude giving thanks that I have another day to grow as a person. I get up, go to the loo and by the time I get back my daughter is staring blankly at my face. I pick her up and head to my kitchen/living room section to prepare her bottle. I look around at the mess I made from the night before, frustrated with myself that I should have done the dishes but chose to leave that job for today as I was too much of a zombie to do it last night. I change my daughter’s bottom give her, her bottle to hold and morning porridge ( depending on the day), burb her, then tackle the house chorus. After that, I’ll rest because to me I deserve it. Eat breakfast and get myself and baby girl ready.

I’ll then spend a couple of hours of dedicated time with my daughter. We play, read books and dance around the house. Don’t forget that still includes changing, feeding ect. Believe it or not, it can be draining.

My daughter is now asleep. I use this time to either rest or go on my phone for what I feel is about an hour until I check the time and see it’s 6:30. How time flies. I shoot up and continue my mother duties, eat dinner late, watch Netflix and fall asleep.

What a day!

Now, this isn’t how I always live my days and I’m certainly not saying that spending dedicated hours of play with your child/children is wrong.

For you, It could be days that you spend all day with your friends to doing your 9 to 5 eat, sleep repeat. These days are productive although we still go sleep wanting more and knowing we could have done more and I think I know why?

We resist doing the things that we really want to do because fear is holding us back. There are people that are living their best versions of themselves RIGHT NOW! And if you feel you are then this post probably isn’t for you. If you are otherwise, then know I have times when I feel the same way too.

Slowing breaking free

To be honest this is the first day and first action step I’m taking that makes me feel like I’m making a start. Yes, I’m feeling nervous, yes I have stopped and thought what’s the point? And yes I’ll probably hesitate 5 times before pressing ‘Publish’. Although I also feel excited, I feel like I’m making progress, and is taking a risk in the right direction and for me, that Is enough.

As of this moment, I’m choosing to flow with change rather than resist it by listening to these signs within.

1. Constantly Feeling uncertain

My personal struggle is accepting that life is full of uncertainty. When I resist the changes I need to make in my life I feel lost. I feel Indecisive, hopeless and wish that I had a personal psychic to tell me what to do, to ensure every decision I make is the right one that will lead me to the future of my dreams!

I’ve realised that although, still uncertain staying still in uncertainty doesn’t get you anywhere. I’ve tried. You have to be willing to move in a direction that you at least ‘think’ and ‘feel’ you need to do that will move you forward. You see, the change will always occur in our lives but in what direction is our power to steer the wheel.

2. We overthink EVERYTHING!

One the worst feelings I’ve experienced is thinking about what ‘I should be doing’ or ‘could be doing’ whilst doing something I don’t really want to do but then I continue doing that because I’m used to doing it 100 times already and blah blah blah I procrastinate and before you know it the day is done.

When change is needed in our lives and especially when you know exactly the action to make, it will scream at you, yet still pulling you back because your brain is trying to keep you safe. The warfare of overthinking blinds us from the peace of mind we deserve. Now believe me whilst typing this I already know I need to take my own advice but from today I am taking action and kindly asking you to join me.

Today, right now! Of course, after you feed and change baby if your a Mother be sure to make that time to start.

When we start we feel nervous although as we continue and as I continue typing this post I feel more at ease and in the flow.

Finally, some peace of mind knowing you’re doing the right thing.

3. Ignoring your Intuition

If your thoughts aren’t enough, nor your heart space to guide you on deciding to face change head-on, then rely on your intuition. I believe it will never let you down. I remember the day I got my first car and got handed the keys. The feeling was off. I should have been jumping up for joy but instead, I had an overwhelming feeling that I should have Changed my mind get and continued viewing more cars. But I was excited, I’ve been waiting soo long for this car, it’s working fine so I’ll be fine. A couple of months later the car had so many complications I ended up selling it. As sad I was I automatically saw the lesson that was to start trusting my intuition. I knew I should have made the right decision then maybe I wouldn’t have got the wrong outcome.

Learning to look within rather than externally is something we all should practice for our own peace of mind. Let’s learn to make it a Habit!

Stay forever blessed.

Ren x

The Journey Begins

Me and my daughter

I never wanted to go university. After having a Gap year completing college I felt it was time to come out of my comfort zone and see if I was ready. I know it would make my family proud so why not take a leap into the unknown.

After the first term I knew It wasn’t for me and so I left. I continued to work, uncertain about what direction to take next and lead by fear only wanting to make right choices.

A couple months later (December) picking up on overtime at work and had just booked a holiday with my boyfriend in June. I now had more time to figure out what route to take next…well I thought I had time until I found out I was pregnant.

Why now? Why me? What am I going to do? How am I going tell my parents?

I always knew I was going to keep my baby but was afraid of what others would think/say. Am I ready for this? Is there ever a right time?, Could I balance being a mother whilst fulfilling my own dreams? That left me torn and In doubt. I knew I would have to make sacrifices, that it may take longer to reach my goals but surely its possible.

I had no clue on how my parents would react and tried to not to overthink different scenarios. Thankfully my parents agreed to support me in my decision. Yes, there were moments thoughout the months as my belly my grew that my parents looked overwhelmed and uncertain. Although they ensured to reassure me that I had their support.

Telling my friends was easy as some were already parents. It nice, having friends that can relate to you. Although some gave me a word of advice, I call preparation to have thick skin as I’m going to get a lot of stares and opinions throughout my motherhood journey, especially as I look younger than my age.

With embracing and loving my pregnancy I also became mindful of those little moments I would get a stare and thought of judgement. I realised you hardly see any young women who have children attend their antenatal classes or mother and baby clubs. Throughout my pregnancy I would keep up to date with the growth of my baby via the Bounty App and reading blogs on other motherhood experiences but could never find the topic discussions that I could really relate to at the time of need in my journey becoming Young parent.

Motherhood already comes with the pressures to keep on top of everything and for that we should be celebrated and motivated. It’s a gift to all women whatever age, size or stage in life that your in. I feel it’s our duty as mothers to break the stereotype surrounding motherhood especially young motherhood as we are no different then one another.

Now I am no writer but I am passionate enough to share my experiences and journey with you as I evolve through Motherhood.

Hope your here to stay on this journey.

Ren x