Cons of being a Young Parent

friendship, growth, housing, mental health, motherhood, Uncategorized, youngmum
Me and My Mylah

Having a baby is far from your childhood memories of when you used to play mums and dads. Its takes understanding, growth, patience, responsibility and the list can go on and on. No matter how old you are the principles are still the same, that there is no rule book to parenthood.

Although being a young Mum we tend to have a slight different experience to the average mother ( whatever that means). So below are some cons I’ve discovered since becoming a young parent.

1. You WILL miss out

Being a Young mum your more than likely to still have that buzz to want to go out with your friends and attend social events however that’s not a reality you’ll be living until your child is at least 18. Harsh to hear but it’s the truth. Not every time you’ll have a baby sitter available so expect it, don’t get upset about it as there will be many more events in the future that you will be able to attend.

2. Your independence is replaced with responsibility

Last year I could just get up and go. Fast forward to today, I now have a checklist of everything I need to pack before I step out the door. I am now more mindful of every choice and decision I make as every consequence that affects me will affect my daughter also.

Being young, you already haven’t had independence for as long as you initially thought (speaking in terms of an unplanned pregnancy), and now with a baby, the consequence can be overwhelming and hard to balance for some. Especially if you’re not mentally prepared, this can be a challenge at first.

3. It can get lonely

You may be the only one out of all your friends who has a child. With that, finding people who can relate to your situation can be a difficult task and in the meantime can get very lonely.

We all get lonely and it’s important for us to try to stay connected and find ways that will help and conquer our feelings of loneliness at times. For example, writing this blog helps me get out of my head when I sometimes feel lonely.

4. You may feel isolated from Motherhood

Again relating to loneliness, when I take my daughter to her baby groups I am always the youngest one there. I feel this stands out amongst the other Mothers. They may smile and a few may have a brief conversation with me but for the most part and In my head, I always felt like they are just trying to figure out exactly how old I am.

When I first started going I used to feel isolated because of this. It wasn’t somewhere I felt welcomed and took time for me to feel comfortable and gain confidence again.

5. The physical changes

Loving my body has been a rollercoaster. I thought I would snap back to normal like some of my other friends who have had children, although God had other plans.

My tummy, covered in stretch Mark and loose skin is my new reality. Surprisingly it hasn’t affected me as bad as I thought it would. Although now I’m a lot more conscious of what I wear whereas before I could wear anything.

6. Emotional changes

Young parents are more likely to experience postpartum depression which is a lot to handle whilst taking care of a baby, as it is easy to ignore the signs. Common symptoms can be feeling in a constant state of sadness, loss of appetite, feeling hopeless and less interested in the world around you, having trouble concentrating/making decisions and difficulty bonding with your baby.

As I am no expert I’d advise you to go on the NHS website for more information and to contact a professional if you feel you can relate to the symptoms above.

7. Education career and sacrifice

It’s hard. Especially if you don’t have the support from family regarding childcare. This can easily make you feel stuck as you want to do more to be able to provide yourself and child but get restricted by high childcare cost, housing situation and any other factors that goes against you making progress. You may have to drop out of work or education and return when your child is older in age. As young parents making those sacrifices are tough.

You are strong as no matter what goes against you as young mum, you continue to rise above. I would like to end this blog on that note as being reminded of the cons can be a bit self-sabotaging. This may not be your reality but if it is just know that you are not alone and that everything will fall into place in due time.

Send you positive vibes always.

Rens x

The problem living in temporary accommodation

adulting, housing, youngmum

During mid pregnancy, I moved into the housing system. Since then I have moved three times, living in three different types of temporary accommodations. On a journey that can feel lonely I have met people from all walks of life, in the same situation.

I am most definitely grateful that I have a roof over my head although want to share with you some of the issues and feelings that has impacted me and many others since living in temporary accommodation.

You are constantly feeling uncertain

The biggest problem with the housing system is how uncertain the whole thing is.

There are areas that make us feel safer than others, areas were would like to raise our kids. Some of us would rather live on the ground flood and others, like me fear lifts. The point I am trying to make is that we all have different preferences.

The world is our oyster and although we do have the option to live anywhere in the world, it often feels like that is stripped away from our right as human beings within the housing system.

Just because we don’t have the money for a house deposit right now doesn’t mean we should be excluded from having a say of preference when finding a home for our family.

It is nearly impossible for you to move to a different borough out of preference, yet families are being moved across and out of London. The government takes advantage at the fact that people have nowhere else to go, therefore compelling families to forcefully start anew.

You feel restricted

Living in temporary accommodation can also have you stuck in a rut of restriction. Feeling hopeless to better your current situation. Depending on where your housing has placed you.

A lot of people who work, feel obliged to leave their jobs as a way of bettering their housing situation. This is because families are being moved to live in private rented properties, with ridiculously high rent. Not to mention council tax, other bills and never forgetting food.

I know you may be thinking this contradicts the purpose of working to maintain an income and take responsibility, which the government claims to promote.

Although individuals are deliberately placed in vulnerable positions, as if they work over a certain number of hours (usually 16), they are responsible to pay the extremely high charging rent of their private accommodation and receive minimum help from the government.

This then becomes a vicious cycle trying to keep up with payments, unable to maintain savings and making it impossible to clear any previous debts. If anything, this causes more debt to accumulate.

Which leads me onto my next point.

Mental health

With options at a minimum and years of bidding and waiting, id be surprised if someone told me they hadn’t been through a time of mental drainage. It’s a damaging cycle as people with mental health before living in temporary accommodation can find it harder to cope, making your mental health worse and also causing mental health.

‘If wherever you’re living feels unsafe, uncomfortable or insecure, you might constantly feel stressed, anxious, panicked or depressed.’ (mind.org)

For me the journey hasn’t been easy especially moving during pregnancy and dealing with mental health previously, there are many other factors like money problems, low self esteem and problems working or studying that you may not have known your living situation can affect. The mental health charity, Mind explains this in more detail.

Its important that if your going through a time of mental strain to find ways that allows you release mental pressure.

My intention for this post as sceptical as I was to share, is to bring awareness of some of the feelings over 84,704 others are facing. If you are in this situation I hope this post gives you comfort to remind you that you are not alone.

Sending you positive vibes always.

Rens x

Friendships that won’t serve your 2020 vision

growth

We are finally in the new year.

New you, new boo, new career but still screaming, No new friends?

Sis.

I’m about to give you a reality check of some of behaviours your friends may be showing that don’t serve you being your best, feeling your best and living your best.

THE COMPETITOR

Do you have a friend that feels like they are always trying to compete with you? This friend seems to never be satisfied with anything because they aren’t satisfied with themselves. They will make you feel like you’re not good enough and will always act like they are one step ahead of everything you do, like and enjoy. 

You are in no competition, you may feel at times that the friendship is one sided. You are the first one to congratulate and celebrate their achievements but when it’s your turn they will briefly congratulate you, followed by advice of what they did and what you should have done or what they could have done for you that would have made it even better.

This type of friend will continue to show you that they are ONLY out for themselves. Keep this friend around you long enough, and their insecurities may rub off on you.

THE ATTENTION SEEKER

  Similar to the competitor, an attention seeker will always ‘secretly’ want everything to be about them. When both of you are together everything will be normal until company is compromised with another person or even worse, a group of people. This is when a true attention seekers colours will show.

With no Alcohol needed this person will do anything to keep the attention on them for as long as possible. They may speak extremely loudly and enjoy making a scene by crying or starting drama with another person. They will act like a victim, for the outcome to attract attention and have the limelight shine on them, always.

A attention seeker will know how to make you feel guilty for not giving them the attention they believe they deserve. Although you won’t admit it to others you know deep down which friend of yours is an attention seeker. Be aware of this friend form now because if not you are not you’ll be under their attention spell always wondering what is wrong and finding ways to constantly please them.

THE PITTY FRIEND

This type of friend loves a good pity party. They will use every opportunity to complain and whinge about how bad their life is and why everything always goes wrong for them. When you try and sway the conversation to something positive they will always revert to pity by responding negatively.

We all have moments in life (I certainly do) that have us feeling overwhelmed, over drained and over everything. It’s good to speak to someone who understands you as it allows you to release some of the pressures, overflowing in your mind. The difference with a ‘pity friend ‘is that they secretly enjoy having negative conversations. It’s their comfort zone to be negative and although you may want to help your friend, no one can be helped in this world unless they really want it.

This energy is infectious if you invest yourself in it for too long. Conversations with this person will always have you feeling negative and doubtful about your life, completely forgetting how happy you were before speaking to them.

THE COMFORTABLE FRIEND

This type of friend doesn’t have any intention to grow and develop as a person. Same old attitude and same old mindset but wonder why they are in the same old situation (Read this one again, I certainly did).

This friend can’t see beyond their own current situation and therefore may not understand how to support your vision for more. You may find yourself being the motivator, always trying to help yourself and friend by suggesting business ideas or just trying something new and spontaneous for a change. This friend may agree with you in the moment but has no intentions to act upon anything.

Becoming aware of this kind of friend will allow you to be in control of how much of your time you should give to this friendship. Especially when coming out of your comfort zone it’s important that your time Is spent more with the people who support the person you are becoming, then the current version that everyone is familiar with.

Don’t wait on another person to allow yourself to grow. We all do thing at different times.

I hope this post helps you to stay woke on some of the behaviours that don’t serve your vision and allows you attract new friendships that will support your goals this new year.

Sending you positive vibes always.

  Rens x